Its just the dark before the morning...

A few days ago, my mom and I were getting out of the car on a very clear, starry night. We live in the middle of nowhere so its easy on any given night to walk into the field in our backyard and identify different stars and constellations. We both looked up and admired them for a time. She smiled and in hope of giving me comfort said, "Does it bring you peace knowing that you and J. are under the same blanket of stars?" I needed no time to react because this is something I had thought about just a few days before that. I said no, because we rarely are. I knew her heart, and her intentions were good. However, 8 hours away, my sweetie was starting his day under the sun as I was ending mine under the moon. I have felt for weeks like I'm constantly playing catch up with him. He's always a day ahead. He's always just out of reach.

I've developed this thought over the past few days and sought out comfort not in the stars but in the "Son" that I know J. and I both live under whether dark or light. I found comfort in Job, a man who endure great suffering in the Old Testament:

"Is not God in the heights of heaven?

And behold the stars; how high are they?"

Job 22:12

So I look at the stars and though I can't find comfort in them because of the time difference and the way the world turns, I can find comfort in knowing that God is BIGGER than the stars and stretches the distance between J. and I's souls. This makes me happy and brings me a peace beyond understanding and a love that words don't justify. <3

What a week.

I was hoping to try to avoid this playing "catch up" with my blog, but it has been a busy week!
I'm coming to find out that while Skype is a blessing, it can mess with your head a bit. Its hard to see your loved one and not touch them. I've even found myself stroking his face on the computer screen a couple times when he's said something sweet or I've gotten caught up in the moment of missing him. Sometimes, a basic phone conversation is familiar and welcome. Today I was blessed with three hours of J. and Cassi time, and the internet over there cooperated for the majority of it. :) It amazes me how some days we have nothing to talk about and other days three hours doesn't seem like enough.
Saturday, I visited with J.'s parent's house. His mom and I had an awesome opportunity for a heart-to-heart. I was so thankful for the conversation. She had encouraged me to establish open an honest communication between J. and I from the start. We shared some experiences both good and bad with each other. This conversation was the catalyst that lead to some great, much needed conversation this morning. Thanks, Joan!
100 days out from the first day of summer-- which has become a more realistic date for J.'s return. Today he confirmed again that June 15th or 16th is a still the tentative departure date for his unit from Iraq. Of course, in dealing with the Army, I will go ahead and continue to give them that extra week or so. Weeks are small relative to the months that we're still facing-- though I'm sure when the time comes my patients will go!
God bless and prayers for all of you out there who truly hear my heart!

My new toy!

Last Wednesday, I got the chance to chat with J. online for a while. He had been pretty anxious about for me to receive a present he had sent me while traveling back at the end of February. I assumed it'd be something from his lay over in Ireland or the pair of jeans I'd liked while we were shopping at Banana Republic. We were in the middle of discussing why the packaged hadn't arrived when the FedEx truck pulled up in front of my house. I was ecstatic and asked J. to call my phone so I could go open it. I was shocked when a 20 lb box was carted out and onto my porch. I opened it with the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas. And there it was the coffee maker we'd talked about for maybe 5 minutes at Bed Bath and Beyond a few weeks before. How does he know these things?

From my little corner of the net to yours...

This is the first post of several I'd like to make. These are pictures compliments of the Webcam. If you're a military wife, girlfriend, or family member who understands the importance of the little Skype window and your soldier's little corner of the word feel free to take a picture and send it to my email: slone.cassi@gmail.com

I bought a new planner today. I was sitting in church this morning and realized I hadn't had a planner in a month. I left my "life-line" behind at a friend's apartment out of town, and it was time to be replaced anyways. After our communion service, I started adding up the time till J.'s tentative departure date. Even with nothing set in stone, having something to count down toward really gives me some peace. So today after church I ran to target and grabbed a new planner, a smaller one that usual, that I could mark off the days on. I marked the days and went ahead and gave the Army some slack (added about a week-- wishful thinking that he'll even be home within that week but it gives me some goal). 108 till the first day of summer. I thought this was a good day to count down toward because we can all celebrate THIS date together.

Anyways, that was a small part of the day. J. was supposed to have had the day off so we had scheduled a little Skype coffee date before church for me (after church for him). I waited for about 2.5 hours this morning before I started to worry, but I know J. often times forgets he's made plans. (Poor Rachel usually falls victim.) I shot him a quick message saying that I hoped all was well, and I was sorry to have missed him this morning. No harm done. In a typical relationship, this might have been a big, ugly grudge I held against someone, but glory to God, I'm so much more appreciative of and patient for a simple phone call now. This didn't make me miss a step. I went on with the day simply worried about J.'s safety. I heard from him mid-afternoon and had the opportunity to make up for that Skype date. March elections in Iraq had made an impact on my life from half-way around the world. Bombs and protest had taken J. out on his intended day off. I feel blessed to be made more aware of world events such as today's. With the sun shine giving a glimpse of the glory of Spring to come and the temperature at a sweltering 51 degrees, its easier for us Americans to forget the fight being fought from day to day. Today was just another day for us, but not for our soldiers or the Iraqi civilians who were bold enough to risk their safety to exercise their right for which our men and women have fought. My intention in this blog is not to guilt anyone; please continue to enjoy the blessed life you live for this is exactly the cause our soldier's fight for all over the world. This incident is simply my own reflection on today's events.

Have a lovely day!

Day 2

I'd hate to stretch it too far and say that this gets easier everyday, but today was way easier than yesterday. It will be hit or miss I guess. It was a blessed day-- I received the phone I had been waiting for: Yes, J. has arrived "safely" to his rather unsafe home away from home. I've come to learn that travel is difficult for both parties. It is exhuasting and unpleasant for our soldiers who really don't know where they'll be and when. It is worrisome for their loved ones-- again know idea where they are, where they are headed, or when they'll get there. I've always thought that no matter where you are in the world there is ALWAYS a phone around, but I found out yesterday that if there is a place with out a means of communication then the Army will find it and they will stay there for hours! (I joke.)
Each time I come to a new turning point in this long distance relationship, I anticipate awkwardness, discomfort, or a poor outcome, but time and time again it seems that things just come so naturally for J. and I. As with our phone conversation this afternoon. I was worried about the encouragement we might get from our contact. I was worried it wouldn't leave us with a satisfied feeling. Of course, our 9 minute and 42 second conversation was less than I wish for, but it was more than enough for me. Of course, I can't speak for J. but knowing my man I'm sure he'd say the same.

I'll leave you with this which I posted on J.'s facebook profile this morning:

Cassi Slone (Romans 8:18 NKJV) "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." This scripture gave me a lot of peace this morning so I thought I'd share it with you, Babe! Applicable both now and through eternity-- just think of the glory and happiness that will be our reward for faithfulness to each other and to the Lord. You know I usually like to send this stuff in messages, but I thought someone else might benefit from it as well. God bless. ♥

Day 1

After a miserable morning of "good-bye" and a day of more tears than I've shed in years, I crashed into bed last night with dreams of J's return and prayers than God will build a long,long-distance relationship on a solid foundation. I woke up this morning as any other day, and as you should expect: Life continued on with or without me today. Fortunately, I had the strength to peel myself off my pillow and go on with my day as I would've before. Deja vu set in, taking me back just 2 short weeks, as my first thought as I got out of bed was "Check Facebook". I grabbed J's fleece (for warmth and security) and hustled down the steps to log-in to what will be my relationship for the next 4 months. It was there! I can't express my excitement. That little 1 that holds so much happiness and hope. Is it him? Or is it some silly virus or group notification? I lingered hesitantly before I clicked, afraid of the disappointment and sobs that might follow. I wouldn't want to wake my mother, asleep on the couch, as she has her own cross to bear today-- Dad being gone until March 27 for his AT. There it was though, his handsome face beside a message starting with "Hey Gorgeous..." Oh, how I'll miss hearing those words these next few months. He'd made it safe to Europe and would be headed "East" shortly. J's sweet words flood the page and a smile creeps across my face. This and my happiness in the Lord will get me through this day... Day 1... The first of many to come.

These past (almost) 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of excitement and activity. After quite sometime of waiting, my new best friend and the object of my affection arrived home for a short 15 days of spending quality time getting to know each other and building a foundation to what we both hope will be a long-lasting, mutually gratifying relationship. I've felt so blessed by my time so far and am proud to call myself a military girlfriend now. I understand the meaning of Army Strong and hope only to grow closer together as our distance separates our physical beings over the next 4 months. I look forward to the time of writing, skyping, and sending of precious gifts, each a little part of ourselves.

It takes more than your saline eyes to make things right.

Now, personally, I'm a crier. It gets me through. Emotional distress requires some sort of catharsis. Work-outs relieve stress. Studying relieves anxiety. Tears relieve hurt. However, there comes a point when tears play no role in productivity. I encourage you all to take things head on when it comes to that point. When tears get you know where, when you're simply lying broken on the floor, when "you feel left for dead..."-- Pray.

... Be glad and rejoice in it.

"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

It's another busy week for me. My schedule is outrageous. My devotion today was about today being God's day, however, and not mine. I should do with it what He wishes. I feel. I feel like I did to the best of my human ability, but I didn't do so cheerfully. I guess that's the rejoice part. I need to rejoice in what he has dealt me more. The opportunities He's set before me are special and endless. I will work on doing them with a light heart and enjoy that he has chosen me to enjoy rather than view these gifts as burdens. It seems that we all often do that, regard our gifts as burdens.

"Turning molehills into mountains,
Making big deals out of small ones.
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens.
This is how its been.
Fear of coming out of my shell,
Too many things I can't do too well.
'Fraid I'll try real hard and I'll fail.
This is how it's been.
Until the day you pounded on my hearts door,
And you shouted joyfully, 'You're not a slave anymore.'"

Happy 4th

I hope everyone has a very Happy Fourth of July! Enjoy your family time.